The Cartoon/Transcript
(Opens to a black cinema screen. Then, the words "Hatemation presents" appears.) (The theme song for Hater's cartoon begins.) Singer: Cruising through outer space, With his handsome skeleton face. Traveling the galaxies, Conquering all he sees. Smart men fear him, Ladies want to be near him, Lord Hater never fails. Opening secret doors, Hang-gliding past dinosaurs! Hater, the greatest in the galaxy, Hater, the greatest in the galaxy! (The title "Lord Hater, The Greatest in the Galaxy" displays onscreen. The camera zooms out to show the silhouette of the cinema seats with Lord Hater, Peepers and two Watchdogs sitting on the left.) (Cut to Hater and the Watchdogs.) Peepers: Sir, is this a- Hater: Brilliant idea? Absolutely. I needed to remind the universe how evil and awesome I am. (Cut to the cinema screen, where we see Hater's ship soaring as he speaks.) Hater: So I ordered the Watchdogs to make a propaganda film using the most sophisticated and respected art form in the universe. (Title card appears, freeze-frame.) Peepers: This is to impress Dominator, is it?! Hater: What?! No! But is she happens to see this, (talks fast) and finally realize how awesome and kissable I am, so be it. (The screen cuts to Cartoon Hater.) Now shut up! I want to hear what I sound like as a cartoon character. Cartoon Hater: Today shall be the final reckoning as I, Lord Hater, the greatest in the galaxy, finally become the greatest in the galaxy! Hater: (eating popcorn) Dead on! Great casting, Watchdogs! (The Watchdogs high five each other.) Cartoon Hater: I've located the all-powerful staff of power! Hater: Ooh, sounds... powerful. Cartoon Hater: The staff of power is so powerful, it can do the impossible make me even more powerful than I am now. It will do this by charging me with the power, which I will use to power up, thus giving me more than I currently have! Power! Hater: '''Solid writing too. '''Cartoon Hater: Peepers! (Cartoon Peepers comes in. He appears to be plump and wearing glasses.) Cartoon Peepers: Y-yes, sir? (Trips and falls, causing him to break his glasses) Oh no, my glasses! (Both Cartoon Hater and Hater laugh.) Peepers: Are you kidding?! This is totally inaccurate! Cartoon Peepers and Peepers: This is a terrible plan! It'll never work! Hater: Seems pretty accurate to me. Cartoon Hater: '''There! Viper Mountain! ''(Screen cuts to Viper Mountain, which is shaped like the head of an eagle. On the beak, something appears to be shining. There a short pause, then the camera zooms in to the beak. Cut back to Cartoon Hater and Peepers.) '' '''Cartoon Hater: ''(points to the left)'' Now no one shall stop me from getting the staff of power! Cartoon Awesome: ''(offscreen:) Ah, not so fast, Hater! '''Cartoon Hater: '''Emperor Awesome! ''(Cut to Cartoon Awesome with the Fist Fighters.) Cartoon Awesome: 'The staff of power will be mine! ''(coughs) '' '''Cartoon Hater: '''Watchdogs, attack! ''(The Watchdogs charge at the Fist Fighters.) '''Peepers: '''Aw, come on! '''Hater: ''(as the Watchdog and the Fist Fighter are fighting)'' Oh yeah! Get him! (The Watchdog throws the Fist Fighter to the ground. Another Watchdog attacks another Fist Fighter.) Hater: 'Whoo! ''(The Watchdog scrunches the Fist Fighter into a ball and throws it, the other one kicks it, and the Fist Fighter hits one. Two more Fist Fighters are charging at the Watchdogs. They fight back by throwing tyres at them. Then Cartoon Hater charges at Cartoon Awesome, we cut to the Cartoon Watchdogs as we hear fighting sounds.) '' '''Cartoon Watchdog 2: '''Wow, what an impressive fight. Awesome doesn't stand any chance. '''Cartoon Watchdog 1: '''We should stop describing it and watch in silence. '''Hater: '''What's going on? Why aren't I seeing all my cool moves? '''Watchdog 1: '''Uh, we kind of blew all our animation budget on the Watchdog fight. '''Watchdog 2: '''We thought it was more important to the story. ''(We continue to hear fighting sounds. Cut to Cartoon Hater on the beak of Viper Mountain, where Awesome was beaten.) '''Cartoon Hater: '''Finally, the staff of power is mine! '''Hater: '''And I win, just like in real life. Dominator's gonna love- I mean, great work, guys. '''Cartoon Wander: ''(offscreen:) Hey, Hatey! '''Hater: '''Oh, no. You didn't. '''Cartoon Wander: '(offscreen:) ''Hater, it's me, your old pal! '''Peepers:' (laughs) ''They totally did! '''Hater: '''You put Wander in my cartoon?! ''(Cut to the screen, we see Cartoon Wander, his appearance bears a striking resemblance to Goofy. Wander even guffaws like him. Cut to Cartoon Sylvia, who looks like a real horse.) '' '''Cartoon Sylvia: '''I don't know about this, Wander. It seems like a baaaaaaad-ad idea. ''(neighs) (Cut to Cartoon Wander riding on Cartoon Sylvia.) '''Hater: '(laughs) ''Oh, that is perfect! You nailed him! Oh, and I was totally gonna destroy you guys. '''Watchdog 1: '(laughs nervously) '' '''Hater: '''What happens? Oh, don't tell me. No spoilers, but I bet I destroy them with my staff of power! ''(Screen cuts to Cartoon Hater.) '' '''Cartoon Hater: '''Finally, I can now destroy you, Wander, with my staff of power! '''Hater: '''Knew it! ''(as Cartoon Hater fires his staff) Pew, pew, pew, pew! (laughs as Cartoon Wander dodges the lasers) Oh, yeah! Yeah! Cartoon Wander: 'Duh, but I just wanted to sing you a song. Banjo! ''(His banjo shoots out lasers, turning Cartoon Sylvia into a muscular horse.) 'Hater: '''Wait. What's going on? ''(Cartoon Wander and Cartoon Sylvia wink at each other. Cartoon Sylvia walks to Cartoon Peepers and punches him.) '''Cartoon Peepers: Ow! Ooh! (She punches him again.) ''Ow! Ouch! ''(She punches him again.) ''Ouch! Oh! ''(She punches him again.) Ouch! Ouch! (She punches him again.) Ow, ow! No. please stop! My backup backup glasses! (Cut to the Watchdogs charging at Cartoon Sylvia. They pin her down to the floor and punches her.) Cartoon Sylvia: 'Oh no! These Watchdogs are too tough. I'm done for! Wander, help! '''Cartoon Wander: '''I am the Wanderer! ''(transforms into He-Man form. He charges.) '''Hater: '''What? Oh, I get it. You made Wander all strong so it will be more impressive when I finally beat him. This is a smart cartoon. '''Cartoon Hater: '''This ends now! '''Cartoon Wander: '''Not if I can help it! ''(They hit their weapons together. This took 15 seconds.) '' '''Hater: '''This seems like it's going for a while. '''Watchdog 1: '''Uh, yeah. We were 15 seconds short, so we had to pad it out. Just give it a minute. Any second now. '''Hater: '''Yeah! Go, me! ''(Cartoon Hater finally beats Cartoon Wander and returns to his Goofy form.) '' '''Cartoon Hater: '''Although I could've done it so many times before this time now, because I am so much powerful this time, this is the time when I finally destroy you, Wander. This is the time to die! '''Hater: '''Yeah! Guys, I think I've got something real special here. '''Cartoon Wander: '''But Hater, all I ever wanted was to be your friend. '''Cartoon Hater and Hater: '''Wait, what? '''Cartoon Wander: '''I just wanted to be your friend in the hopes it will stop you from bein' so evil. '''Cartoon Hater: '''Wow. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I've come to realize that I have a tendency to compensate for my insecurity and loneliness by being evil and scary. But you, Wander, saw the one thing that I really needed was not an army or planets or power... '''Hater: '''No, no, no, no, no! '''Cartoon Hater: ''(hold hands with Cartoon Wander)'' ...but a friend. (Cut to Cartoon Hater and Cartoon Wander skipping through the flowers, eating ice cream, riding a bicycle, sleeping in bunker beds, have a pillow fight and many more as the background music plays.) '' '''Hater: '''What's going on?! '''Peepers:' (laughs) This is too good! Hater: 'I said I wanted this to be true to life! All you did was make a cartoon where I almost succeed, then Wander shows up, tries to be my ''friend, and ruins everything! 'Watchdog 1: '''Yeah, but- '''Watchdog 2: '''That's what always happens. '''Hater: '''Burn it. Burn it all! Never let anybody see this cartoon ever! Especially not Dominator! '''Watchdog 1: '''Well, sir, we would, but we're broadcasting this live. '''Watchdog 2: '''And ratings are through the roof! ''(Cut to the Cashier from "The Nice Guy", Huckleberry Knucklehead, the citizens from "The Catastrophe" watching the cartoon. Cut to the fans of Boney Con cheering.) '''Hater: What? No! We gotta animate a new ending where I destroy Wander. (yells) Animation is so hard!!! (to the camera) People who do this for a living deserve more credit and respect!!! (Cut back to the screen where Cartoon Hater and Wander are enjoying the sunset at the beach.) Cartoon Hater: 'Great day, buddy. What do you say we end it with a big old hug? '''Cartoon Wander: '''Only if it's the biggest. ''(Cut back to the theater seats.Hater yells frustratedly. Zoom out to show Wander and Sylvia on the right. Sylvia is eating her popcorn.) '''Wander: '''Aw, it's okay, Hater. I think the show is amazing! '''Hater: ''(yells) Gotta change the ending right now! ''(drags Wander away) Watchdog 2: 'Aw, too bad. I think Lord Hater would like the twist ending. '''Peepers: '''Twist ending? ''(Cut back to the screen. We see that Hater felt betrayed.) '''Cartoon Hater: You fool! This was all a trick! What better way to crush your spirits than to make you think we were actually friends? (evil laughs) Cartoon Wander: (gasps) My spirits are crushed. (As we see Cartoon Wander is about to be destroyed, the screen suddenly changes to Hater trying to destroy Wander live on TV.) Hater: 'Now before an audience of billions, I will finally destroy you. '''Wander: '''You're putting me on a TV show? Aw, that's awful sweet of you. '''Hater: '''What?! No! Don't step on my lines. ''(Suddenly, the fans of Boney Con surrounded Hater.) 'Boney Con Fans: '''Hater! '''Hater: '''No!!!! (''Cut to Dominator's ship. Dominator is also watching the same show, but not enjoying it.) 'Dominator: '''Lame. ''(switches the channel. The other cartoon opens to a space house.) 'Announcer: '''It's the Mystery Kids Mysteries. ''(A question marks appears on the screen. Cut to a ship that was modeled after the ship from The Jetsons and The Mystery Machine. On the side of the ship, it says "The Mystery Ship", with the "S" on the ship is detached, just like the Mystery Shack sign from Gravity Falls.) ''This week, the gang solves the case of Mavis' haunted sweatshirt. ''(Cut to the inside of the ship, where we see the characters of this show were modeled after the main characters of Gravity Falls.) '''Mavis: Crikeys! Skipper: Ehh... Old Man: Grr... driving... mysteries. Soosy Du: (pops out from the backseat, at the camera) Ruff, ruff, ruff. I'm a dog, dudes! Dominator: ''(laughs) Now that's a cartoon. ''(Screen fades out. Opens to Cartoon Wander.) Cartoon Wander: Hi, boys and girls. I'm TV's Wander. Lord Hater sure wanted that staff of power, but what he really wanted all along was a friend. Cartoon Sylvia: '''Well, actually, that was just a trick to destroy you, Wander. '''Cartoon Wander: '''Oh, right. But he sure worked hard to get there, and if you work hard, too... '''Cartoon Sylvia: '''Not really. His Watchdogs did most of the fightin' for him. '''Cartoon Wander: '''Oh, right. So then, the lesson was... uh... '''Cartoon Sylvia: Don't know. It sure was funny, though. 'Cartoon Wander: '''But there's nothin' funny about bicycle safety. Always wear a helmet. ''(helmets appear on Wander and Hater's heads) ''Always wear a helmet. '''Cartoon Sylvia: '''That's just good horse sense. ''(both laugh) (Screen cuts to black.) Category:Transcripts